Chapter 2: remembering the good in me.

Quoting myself as a average boy was no lie, but people around me always thought I was a intelligent guy, this would hav done many goods to some odr guy but I took it as a cover to neglect my lack of hardwork, always thinking that when it would really matter I would work and get the aim, slowly but steadily this lack of hardwork became a part of me .. that’s future will think over it then..
One thing which really hurts me for that phase is that I really was intelligent had gud brain.. even widout studying I was btr thn most of thm all bt its not being better its abt mein best isn’t it?
I never utilized my intelligence this flawed my foundation whch is most important.
Being a avg helped me a bit as I didn’t let it go all away so I was weak in foundations bt not zero in them.

Nice kid goes to school every morning, comes back in evening, mother makes him do homework , sleeps early, Gets up early atleast never late at school.
In school not a dumb ass , not a exceptional performer. Jus anoder student
Label me average.
Problem starts here y didn’t I never participate in sports? Why wasn’t I studying hard enuf to be a topper , why didn’t I perform in quizzes and dance competitions and debates and why wasn’t I even teacher’s pet?
Answer for above till now was I blamed it on my parents and teachers and school.
1) School wasn’t up to the mark they never forced students to perform or participate. But then there were students who participated and performed and played and did well is studies
2) Teachers they didnt support me , well they did to other students , y nt me coz I never gave them a chance or maybe thy didn’t see it in me, something worth exploring
3) Parents I always thought thy should hav encouraged me to be a player or into some extra curricular activites , bt they had many problems inspite of which thy gave me best of the training thy could but they weren’t blessed with best of conditions to live in hence thy had to fight thr own battle too.

So here’s the basic flaw since the beginning of life I never tried to be a winner, it was jus that I had a aim like getting to next class I did jus a bit more thn enuf to pass with avg marks, the term average finds its presence here too this is the main evil!.
Some Winners are born while some are created by training.
I havnt started training myself to be a winner.
What this “avg” did to me upto the time before high school was it never made me work so hard to be a winner, it made me lack determination.

So here was the foundation of a average boy
A question comes to my mind while writing this
“ y do we want to be different from other?”
May be I will find its answer aftr I find my solution to the one I am writing for

Chapter 1 birth :

Easiest part to write and accept coz I had no hands in this part for me.
Born with some strengths how I lost them? born with some weaknesses why I was able to move over some of them while, I allowed a few to remain and become stronger? Also why I let more of them get into me? a few of the questions I suppose I will find answer after I write myself down or atleast a path to start finding answers and solutions. is it solution that matters more or the answers ?
Answers are mandatory because without them I wont be able to find a solution. Solution is mandatory becoz ultimate aim of this blog is to find solutions.
Confusing? So it is for me so many thoughts millions of them suddenly from no where.

Basic information on birth
Sex: boy
Born fit and fine, third day I catch a skin dieseas, thnkx to it my skin changes color it’s a darker skin now. Does it matter the tone ? maybe it will looks do matter..
maybe it wont aftr all its nt how u look its wat u r.

health: perfect
name: does it matter
parents: happy
expectation: there before I was even named..

chapter 0: present state

Million thoughts running in my mind suddenly, like a river which has been blocked for ages and suddenly its released, it rushes with full power but in all these years it has lost its track, its meaning, its aim! Where to move? Is it having power to create its own path a new path or its going to flow just becoz it has to flow? Most importantly how long is it going to flow maybe the next block is very near.
How to realize whether it has power enuf to move over them ? did it ever try all these years to actally break free ?
Its down and dirty and stale coz of years of stangnation but there hope maybe that’s why I started writing this. After all my condition is not that bad atleast am still having the flow maybe it gets a right direction.
Its complex million different emotions running most of them gray, dull , pessimistic, and a cry that I really need to do something before its lost.

exploring me

I donno y i m writing this blog maybe becoz I donot hav any one to convey my these feelings to, more over it’s wat I hav been hiding inside me, running away from self, hiding it from myself. No one to blame not family or frends or society not even luck , yes finally I gather courage enuf not to blame it on luck, so here I am writing the worst in me so that I start on a path to get best in me hope I m nt too late.
y posting it online ? no reasons as such maybe I want to be read not becoz I want some1 to praise or comment on me or becoz I want guidance or help from some its just becoz at times u need some1 to jus hear wat u hav to say and keep mum..
So is this case maybe some stranger may read it atleast I will no longer hav a quench of saying it to some1.